laurenhill

1. Coffee with cocoa and cinnamon. 
2. New music! Norah Jones, The Strokes, and Tokyo Police Club. 
3. The live recording of Nothing Can Change This Love by Sam Cooke. Soooooo good.
4. My baked goods. I rule.
5. Talking to Kae on the phone for nearly an hour. Nothing cures a bad mood like a good girl-talk about boys and sex. 

Tonight has ended perfectly, even with a few bumps and unexpected stresses. I’m spending the rest of the evening eating ice cream and relaxing for the last night that I can this semester. From now on? FINALS WEEKS BEGIN.

Bring it on.

Tonight is not such a good night. There are too many memories haunting me, too many desires. I’m reliving the end of this summer, and I honestly just can’t handle it. 

I’m afraid I’m going to do something rash, something I will regret doing. I’m afraid I’m going to break the silence that I’ve kept up for this long without too much trouble. 

The truth is, nothing much has changed for me. I still feel the same way I did at the end of the summer. I’ve just kept it all stored away in the farthest recesses of my mind, projecting myself into the future where none of these bad feelings exist anymore. The loneliness, the heartbreak, the wonder and the curiosity. These desires to do stupid things like pick up a phone or show up at a party. 

The good thing is there are far more good nights than bad nights, now. So I can just check one more night off of the dwindling list of bad nights and get on with my life. I can soak up the misery for one single night, letting myself indulge in memories that I shouldn’t be remembering… and then wake up tomorrow to a fresh start. 

I always feel better in the morning.